STYLEnosh

STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT YOUR THIGHS! (WATCH THIS VIDEO FROM THE TODAY SHOW)

Who among us hasn't joked about the size of our butts? It's become so common to engage in this type of humor that it's almost expected when a group of women hang out. Remember that episode from Sex and the City where the ladies were having lunch and lamenting about what they would change about their bodies. And after Carrie, Miranda, and Charlotte finished their complaints, they all turned to Samantha and wondered why she wasn't chiming in with her on negative body quip. Instead Samantha simply said something like, I love my body. I wouldn't change a thing. Love that!

I'm a big advocate of improving your body and making it better. And if you're out of shape or not engaging in healthy habits like eating fruits and vegetables and working out regularly, adding those changes to your life can dramatically boost the way you view yourself.

But all those little comments about your stomach being flabby or your butt being ginormous are not only NOT funny. They're NOT helping you be better. Everyone thinks these jokes are just jokes. But each time you make a so called funny about your thighs, you're really feeding your brain another negative thought that keeps you from reaching your goals and feeling about yourself today. And I think that's a goal not worth putting off until tomorrow.

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DON'T WEAR CLOTHES THAT DON'T MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD

Every now and then I'll buy something that at the time, seemed like an absolutely fabulous idea. Much later I discover that this absolutely fabulous idea was misguided and typically a complete wardrobe disaster. These shoe definitely fit into this category.

I was at DSW one day last spring when I spotted them on the clearance rack. With the additional discount, these shoes were a splendid $8 in total. And who couldn't use a pair of kick around shoes for under $10? And it's just that type of thinking that will lead you to buy things that just don't work for your current lifestyle. You think because it's so cheap that you'd be crazy not to buy them. You'll find some where to wear them, right? To the farmer's market or maybe to the bookstore to grab a magazine. And while you're standing there inspecting apples or perusing the fashion mags it hits you. You feel a little older or a little less cool. Heck, when I wear these shoes I actually feel geriatric. And that's not something you want to achieve before you hit middle age.

So now, I will be placing these casual, tan wedges in my latest donation pile. I'm sure someone in the 55+ set will be delighted to wear them. 

CREATING PERSONAL STYLE: TAKING CUES FROM MJ

I don't know about you but I have been reeling since Michael Jackson's death. Actually the unbelievability started the next day. I know people die, so that's not the thing that's got me all twisted. I guess I've been looking at his life holistically trying to understand how he got to the point where he passed too soon. And the thing that hit me was how much of an impact this entertainer had on my childhood. I can't see the Thriller or Beat It videos without getting up and mimicing his smooth moves. I swear it's like Pavlov's dogs!

That is the one thing that's been wonderful during this tragic time. Watching all of his dynamic videos. And while watching those videos, you can't help but notice Michael's unique sense of style. So what can we learn from the greatest.of.all.time? Here's my take on taking MJ's style and creating your own.

Kick Fear in the Butt!  This first comment is the foundation for inventing your own signature look. If you're afraid of what your friends will say or if your co-workers will approve, you will always be confined to dress the way other people think you should. (Note: This notion applies to where you live, the type of work you do, and your hobbies and interests.) If you want to wear polka dots and stripes, go for it! Some people will love it. Others will surely deplore it. The question is how does wearing it make you feel. When Michael wore one sparkly glove, the comedians had a field day cracking jokes. But I guarantee you there were more people donning one glove than laughing at it.

Try Different Looks   Keep trying different looks until you get the one (or ones) that look good on you. Your personal style is not like math. 1 +1 may not equal 2. Please don't be surprised if you pick out the perfect thing in the morning only to discover that it looks a hot mess when you put it on. Michael Jackson reinvented himself with every album. If you're still wearing the same clothes or hairstyle from 15 years ago, I assure you it's time for a change. Refer back to point one if you find yourself afraid to make a change.

Find the Leader in You  It never ceases to amaze me how many people are the same followers they were when they were in junior high school. Okay, back then it was important to appear cool. But now that you're in your 20s, 30s, 40s, and beyond, why are you waiting on someone else to provide you with validation before you proceed with anything. If your friends only shop at Bloomingdale's, it's okay if you want to see what's going on at H&M. Make a commitment to listen to that inner voice that knows what you like or what you're newly interested in. And follow accordingly.

Yes he was gifted and talented. But I honestly believe that one of the reasons Michael Jackson become such an iconic entertainer was his ability to be a leader. He could have never reached the pinnacle of success without trusting his instincts about what worked for him. Now I commission all of us to go out and do the same.

Final Thoughts  Today is the memorial or "going home" service for Michael Jackson. If you're at work, you can follow coverage on a ton of websites. I've been checking out AOL Music and MTV. CNN and HLN are doing all day coverage of the memorial service if you're near a television.

Goodbye Michael J. You're impact travels well beyond its global significance. It's been profoundly personal.

May you now have peace.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT...YOU?

I originally wrote about "style-esteem" last March. And after watching a couple of Oprah shows recently, I was compelled to resurrect the topic today.

When I meet people and tell them that I'm a wardrobe coach, I usually disclose my philosophy that I believe people show you how they feel about themselves by the way they leave the house each day. And I've had plenty of people tell me that while that may be true for others, my logic doesn't really apply to them. Oh, really? Let me tell you why I disagree with that notion.

When you love yourself, you take care of yourself and you take care to present yourself as a clean, well-dressed individual. You look good, which leads to you feeling even better. Conversely, when you throw on stained khaki pants and a shirt that's too small, you don't jump up and volunteer to pitch to the vice president of your department. You sink down in the chair and hope that your manager doesn't realize you forgot to put on deodorant today. This presentation of yourself is your style-esteem.

We all know what self-esteem is, right? Dictionary.com defines it as, a realistic respect for or favorable impression of oneself. Basically, self-esteem is how you feel about yourself. So what the heck is style-esteem, you may be asking? It’s a phrase I coined to describe how you display your self-esteem through the way you present yourself to the world.

We all have style-esteem whether you call it that or not. When I initially thought of this concept, I was thinking about how you dress and if you carried yourself as a well-groomed person. But the more I think about it, your style-esteem can be shown by the way you keep your home or your car. Do you hid behind a messy house or wardrobe because deep down you’re a mess? Is it easier to say that you don’t care about what other people think because you’re really afraid of what you think about yourself?

I make this point from the stance of self-reflection and not one of judgment. Whenever I watch What Not to Wear, I’m always nodding in confirmation when the person being made over is brought to tears because their new look makes them feel better about themselves. Taking time to care about your appearance is not wasted time. It’s time well spent on YOU. And if you don’t feel comfortable with that, your esteem, however you describe it, can use a makeover.

So, what's your style-esteem? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

2008 WARDROBE RESOLUTIONS

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! I hope and pray that the new year finds you happy, healthy, and prosperous! So what are your plans for 2008? I personally don't do new year resolutions because they seem to be a little flaky to me.

I do however, believe in charting out goals for the new year. And in the spirit of thinking about what you'd like to accomplish in 2008, I challenge you to consider your wardrobe. What are your plans for looking fabulous this year?

Here are a few fashion mantras that may help you on your path to looking great in the year of '08! (I know that was cheesy but I really couldn't help it.)

2008 WARDROBE-ESOLUTIONS

1. Buy clothes that fit your body type. And by body type, I mean your current body, not the body you will have after you lose that pesky 20 pounds. If you need help with what works for your shape, check out my post called Know Thy Body.

2. Don't buy anything that requires numerous alterations that you're never going to have done. This statement may only apply to me since I'm notorious for buying something that needs to be taken in the waist and then storing said item in the needs alterations bag indefinitely. It's almost impossible to avoid altering your clothes so try to take your alteration required items to the tailor as soon as you buy them.

3. Don't buy anything that you can't afford- no credit card debt to support your shoe habit! Okay people. It's time to get serious about your finances. If you're sacrificing future financial stability in order to buy designer shoes and handbags today, you're are doing yourself a complete disservice. Unrealistic shopping habits might mean that you are a Shopahaulic.

4. Get more out of your closet. How many times have you gone to your closet looking for something to wear only to walk away crying, "I don't have anything wear!" I know. I do it too. But there are ways to get more from the things you already own. I always recommend cleaning out your closet and getting rid of things that just don't serve you well anymore. A few months ago I wrote about the 80-20 Rule in your closet. The point I was trying to make was that you can stretch your wardrobe with a little creativity. Don't wear your black pants every Monday. Consider your gray pair. And don't think that your black pumps are your only option for work. Try wearing those cute, colored shoes you bought on sale but rarely wear. Just look for new ways to wear all your old stuff.

STYLE TIPS: ROCKING YOUR OWN PERSONAL STYLE

What can you say about a woman wearing a red and white polka dot dress, a zebra print handbag, and an unnaturally large, curly afro? Not much, except "Rock that look, honey!" Would you wear it? Probably not. Should you wear it? The choice is yours.

The point is this- sometimes your personal has nothing to do with what the fashion mags dictate or what celebrities are wearing to and from the pokey. Sometimes, just follow me here, you have to wear what you feel is right for you, your body, your lifestyle. That's the basic premise of developing your personal style or your style-esteem.

Now the pic of the young lady in the zebra dress and matching hat screams, "WTH!" to me. But I have to give the girl credit for donning a look that signifies a look all her own. Even if she runs the risk of being hunted down.

If you possess the confidence to "do you", I support it 100%. The critics may not like it but at least you'll keep them talking.

HAVE YOU LET YOURSELF GO?

I’m not specifically talking about what’s hanging in your closet. Think holistically. Consider your self-confidence and your career aspirations in addition to your wardrobe. Have you become one of the walking dead?

It’s so easy to crawl out of bed each day and exude the general attitude of “I just don’t give a crap.” Sometimes we see this behavior displayed through what we wear, disguised as, “I don’t have time to think about what I wear everyday.” And sometimes, we may even be bold enough to tell people that we really just don’t care about anything these days. But often, the sentiment that drives these feelings is ingrained so deeply into what we’ve become that it’s no longer identifiable.

So whatdaya do? I say, you need rejuvenate your soul. Here are some ideas to get you started:

• Identify the problem – If you need to update your look, check out my previous post on recapturing your style. If yours is a more internal issue, take the time to uncover what’s causing the problem. Read books or blogs on self-improvement. (I highly recommend Steve Pavlina’s Personal development for Smart People site.)

• Create an improvement plan – Need a better wardrobe? Create a plan that gets you one over time. Interested in living a healthier lifestyle? Research ways to make positive changes in your life today.

• Take small steps - Implement short steps. SARK calls these actions microMOVEments. It's an ingenious way to break down a daunting task and actually drive it home to completion. The point is don't feel like you need to make huge changes all at once.

• Reward yourself! - Give yourself credit for identifying the problem and taking action to correct it. Buy a new cd or book. Treat yourself to a nice lunch. Or do whatever makes you feel good after a major (or minor) accomplishment.

By taking action to make a change, any positive change, you can move from letting yourself go to watching your life, wardrobe, or career grow.

GETTING OLDER & MORE STYLISH

Do you dread getting older? Are you one of those people who cringe when someone asks them their age? Does reading these questions make you want to smack me? Hold on my friend. There’s no need to get violent.

I realize that there are many people who aren’t overly excited about adding another year to their age. On the contrary, I’ve always welcomed this event. And over the years, I’ve created rituals reserved specifically for the glorious occasion. These rituals typically center on fashion and style. (Surprise, surprise) Let’s see, first there was the “I have to wear white on my birthday” rule. (I think that one was born out of my defiance for saving white outfits for dates after Memorial Day.) Then my love of magazines prompted me to start buying all the fashion glossies produced in my birthday month. And now, I like to do special things like go to spas for birthday beauty treatments.

The point is that getting older is inevitable. (Just think about the alternative. Not very cool, huh.) And since it comes each year whether you’re ready or not, why not think about looking your best, which just might help you feel better about adding that extra year. If you haven’t updated your hairstyle in a few years, stop the lady at work that has shiny hair and ask her for a stylist recommendation. Or if your clothes remind you of another era gone by, comb the web for new ideas or pick up a couple of fashion magazines for style inspiration. Remember, getting older should translate into being wiser AND more stylish.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go select my attire for today. I think it’s the perfect day to wear white.

REAL WOMEN, REAL WARDROBES

When I use the term "real women", I'm talking about regular, everyday women like those of us who don't use the word model to identify our occupation. Please don't misunderstand my intention. I'm not bashing the naturally thin either. I love my sister who after having 3 kids looks better now than she did a decade ago. (Note: She is a fitness boot camp instructor at www.losingbooty.com but she was thin before that. Oh, and she models too!) No, I'm not bitter (lousy, rotten sister), not even a tad bit. But few of us fall into the size 0 category. Overall, I write about style for everyone, including those people who happen to be smaller than my left thigh.

When I say "real women", I'm referring to the lot of us who can't chase down or splurge on the latest $1,500 "IT" bag. Not that I personally wouldn't love to indulge in a designer handbag purchase that equals the average mortgage payment. But my last name is not Hilton or Olsen. Most of us regular people consider spending $200 on any one item a splurge. And some regular people I know think that's crazy too!

So it appears that I'm talking about you. I want to motivate you the real woman/busy woman to be inspired to discover a real wardrobe that works for you and your lifestyle. With today's celebrity obsessed, bling-bling mentality, it can be difficult to remember that it's okay to go to the mall, walk into Banana Republic, and dart straight to the clearance rack. When you buy what you can afford without getting a major utility turned off, you should feel smart and fiscally responsible. You definitely shouldn't feel like you're less than or value-less because you don't have the disposable income equivalent to most people's yearly salary.

I challenge you to be grateful for what you do have (insert wonderful family, fabulous friends, a place to lay your head, or a vehicle that gets you to and fro here). Most of us have more than we need. And if a strategic, yet affordable addition to your closet enhances your style-esteem, I say make it happen. Because real women need strength and confidence more than they will ever need designer accoutrements.

WHAT'S YOUR STYLE-ESTEEM?

In a previous post I talked about the top 5 reasons people give for their poor wardrobe choices. I’ve been thinking a lot about how many people use those excuses and it leads me to a question I’ve been pondering lately. The question is, what’s your style-esteem?

We all know what self-esteem is, right? Dictionary.com defines it as, a realistic respect for or favorable impression of oneself. Basically, self-esteem is how you feel about yourself. So what the heck is style-esteem, you may be asking? It’s a phrase I coined to describe how you display your self-esteem through the way you present yourself to the world.

We all have style-esteem whether you call it that or not. When I initially thought of this concept, I was thinking about how you dress and if you carried yourself as a well-groomed person. But the more I think about it, your style-esteem can be shown by the way you keep your home or your car. Do you hid behind a messy house or wardrobe because deep down you’re a mess? Is it easier to say that you don’t care about what other people think because you’re really afraid of what you think about yourself?

I make this point from the stance of self-reflection and not one of judgment. Whenever I watch What Not to Wear, I’m always nodding in confirmation when the person being made over is brought to tears because their new look makes them feel better about themselves. Taking time to care about your appearance is not wasted time. It’s time well spent on you. And if you don’t feel comfortable with that, your esteem, however you describe it, can use a makeover.