STYLEnosh

WhatWentWrong: MOM JEANS STRIKE AGAIN

I'm always startled and saddened when I turn a corner and spot some poor women wearing these horribly tragic ill-fitting jeans. You just know they're over 10 years old and not doing the unsuspecting culprit any favors.

Why is this a problem you ask? Let's see. These jeans make her:

• * bum look bigger and flatter than it probably it is

* thighs look larger because of the faded thighs

* look as though she cares nothing about the way she presents herself to the world.

So sad. And so unnecessary. If you're wearing jeans that look like this, ditch 'em!

WWW - ROLLS AND TIGHT PANTS DON'T MIX

 

I really wish I could walk up to this lady and tell her she's doing her body a disservice. If only I could have zoomed in to get a better shot. Well, I think you get the picture. (wink, wink) 

Luckily, this is a wonderful teachable moment. It's always a great idea to get in front of a mirror and glance over your shoulder. Since you're still at home, you'll have a chance to inject a wardrobe change before you leave the house. 

WhatWentWrong: READER SUBMISSION!

Thanks goes out to August Deed, one of my faithful readers who was so kind to send in this pic of her co-worker's questionable outfit. And, she even told her she was sending it to a blogger for further scrutiny. You know I love that!

Anyhoo, I'm not sure if you can identify that the white socks in question are of the athletic variety. In summary, this pic adds up to short shorts + white gym socks = a creative fashion forward choice or a hot mess? You tell me. I have to say, I usually appreciate the fashionable creativeness of socks or knee-highs with skirts and shorts but this looks more teen than career woman to me. I know what the problem is. The denim shorts and athletic socks scream casual. Replace both pieces with more grown-up choices and you'll see a definite improvement.

Do you like this interesting wardrobe combination? Oh, and quite importantly, I must note that this particular person was on the way to an after work meet out. Which I believe is a place where people go to meet potential dates/boyfriends/husbands. Is this an appropriate first impression look? 

WhatWentWrong - CAN A MANNEQUIN RECEIVE A FASHION CITATION?

I had to snap this pic because too many people look at store mannequins as their fashion guides. I've heard plenty of people say, "I just buy whatever is on the mannequin." And this image shows why this logic can be a really bad idea.

Here's a tip: high-waisted, skin-tight pants tend to look bad on most people. It's just not flattering on approximately (calculating in my head) 95% of the population. Yes, mannequins included.

Now that I look at these pictures again, I see this storefront had an overall hot pants theme. Why do I feel the certain urge to look at old pics from the 90s?

WWW - EXCUSE ME, YOUR THONG IS SHOWING

That's what I meant to say but by the time I snapped a few pictures of the exposed, I moved on to the next topic. A friend and I were waiting on a table at Thumbs Up Diner in Atlanta. You can always count on two things at Thumbs Up: 

1. incredibly good food, (ah, nothing close to a raw meal served here except a fruit cup) and 

2. there's always something interesting to look at. 

In an effort to participate in full disclosure, I can tell you that I fell victim to the exposed thong numerous times during the low rise jeans faze hitting the beginning of this decade. And I can honestly say, I never felt a breeze.

There are plenty of denim options available to combat the unwelcome crack visual. Check out Levi's for mid rise choices at various price points. 

WhatWentWrong: LET'S SKIP THE FAKE HANDBAGS, SHALL WE?

Sometimes I feel a little creepy snapping pictures of unsuspecting bad fashion choice people. But I gotta do what I gotta do. Anyhoo, I did a little double take when I saw this one. The "G" monogram tote. Really?

I like the Coach signature print. Heck, I even have a duffle bag and coordinating tote for light travel. But I just can't get with the fake version. I remember the first and last fake designer bag I purchased. It was a Kate Spade knock-off from the famous "Alley" in downtown Los Angeles. I had it for a month before it ripped. I kept thinking, I would have done better to save my pennies and buy the real thing. Not to mention, I couldn't help but wonder if everyone knew my slick designer handbag was a fraud. 

Here's a blog dedicated to the end of fake coach buying. While I wouldn't be committed to writing an entire blog solely on why you shouldn't buy fake Coach handbags, I definitely agree with many of the points this blogger makes. If you can't afford the real handbag, it's okay. Many of us can't. Just buy something else. Preferably something that doesn't scream, "I'm as real as an eight-dollar bill."

WhatWentWrong: WE REALLY DON'T NEED TO SEE YOUR BUM

My only wish is that I could have captured a clearer picture than this one. I'm certain you can't fully see the craziness that is occurring in this picture. The mall employees were in awe too. I think the thing that took us all by surprise is the fact that this lady was well over 50. And her body was not in shape to put it on display like this out in public. 

One suggestion for this very adventurous woman: ROLL DOWN THE SHORTS!

Okay, carry on.

WhatWentWrong - WE WEAR NO SHORTS?

Okay, seriously. What the heck is this? I tried to figure out what this "bathing suit" was doing or supposed to do, but I got nothing. Is the bottom missing? Or is the top too small? And more importantly, why would anyone think that this type of swimwear would be a good idea for anyplace other than the privacy of her own home? It's not the best pic but trust me, you do NOT want to see the details.

As a general rule, you don't want to show your bum on a family beach on a Saturday afternoon. I feel bad for her preteen daughter (not shown) who was with her. You know she had to be embarrassed. Reminds me of the times my mom would wear a clear blouse and a white bra. The horror! And that was in the last 10 years.

Has your mom (or dad) ever worn anything in public that made you cringe? I'm sure the girl from this sad scene and I can't be the only ones.

WhatWentWrong - CLINGY = HIPPY= NOT GOOD

Here's the thing. I know a lot of us just throw something on to run to the store. But how much extra time does it really take to slip into a dress that flatters your figure instead of distorting it?

The tapering or narrowing at the knee is the most unflattering place for this young woman's dress to hit. The pic below shows just how egregious the style really is. My motto is if it doesn't look good and make you feel good, why wear it?

A simple A-line style would look so much better. I like these Norma Kamali dresses for Wal-mart. At only $15, you get style and comfort on the cheap.

WhatWentWrong - THIS OUTFIT WAS HOT, "IN THEORY"

I know I've been m.i.a for a while but all this moving and new work has been a challenging schedule adjustment for me. I barely have time to think, let alone blog. Anyhoo, I thought I'd mark my return with a WhatWentWrong since I've been away for so long. And if we're going to laugh at bad fashion, we may as well laugh at someone who can take the jokes - ME!

I promise you, when I put this dress on I thought I was really stylin'. My sister gave me this dress because she's tall and it was a little too short on her long, lean legs. (Yeah, I know. I don't have any sympathy for her either.) I knew this paper bag shape on my body type would require a belt to create a waist. But now looking at the pics, it looks like I chose the wrong belt. And you can't even see my sparkly pink tank underneath so I look like a mass of brown sack!

The side view makes me look like I have a pot belly. And with the backside sticking out too, I'm thinking this was so not a good look. 

The correction: I believe a thinner belt would be more suitable. If that doesn't work, I may have to pass this cute little dress on to someone who would look good wearing it. I'll be sure to keep you posted.

Have you ever worn something that you thought was a great idea at the time, only discover later that you really did look a hot mess?

WhatWentWrong - HEY SHORTIE!

Some days I feel like I'm on a one woman campaign to reduce the number of women who wear capri pants incorrectly. This lady is a great example of one of my campaign targets.

So here's the problem: When you're short, you may be thinking, "I'll just cuff my jeans since they're too long". Which basically makes you look considerably shorter than you already are. Please don't misunderstand my intentions here, I am 5'3'' and quite comfortable with my height. I'm not one of those people who banishes flats from her wardrobe. Height is not the issue. But don't volunteer to look like a troll. Proper fit is the point here. Which leads to looking your best with whatever size or shape you are.

By cuffing the jeans to a length somewhere between the knees and the ankles, this festival participant cut off the line of her leg. And inevitably, this length will always make you look short and squatty. I should know. Last month while hanging out in Florida, I landed on the beach with my nephew's class trip. Since my sister didn't tell me we were going on the field trip, I wasn't prepared. So the only thing I could do was cuff my pants and take off my 3-inch heels as we sloshed through the sand. (Thanks sis.) Later when I took a picture, I confirmed that my cropped jean look did indeed make me look shorter.

Solution: It's actually quite simple. If you're on the shorter side, keep pants lengths (and hem lines) at or above the knee. You can go a little below the knee if you add a heel. Otherwise, you'll just create a look that doesn't look good on you. Period.

SN

WhatWentWrong - TOO HOT

How old is too old to wear this shirt? Well, I suppose there's no definitive answer but I'm going to go out on a limb and say that if you're over the age of 18, you might want to pass on this one. You may get a pass if you're in your early 20s. But if you're clearly over 30, don't wear this.

The thing is, wearing this shirt when you're well into your 30s (or beyond), becomes a bit ironic. And not in a good way. I'm all for the simple t-shirt and jeans look on a hot spring day. Just leave the cutesy sayings (and giant lip graphics) to the kiddies.

Looking for some cool tees for grown-ups? Check out One Horse Shy for interesting t-shirts in various categories including society, political, and highbrow (meaning intellectual or cultured). Avoid the lowbrow slogans if your age is greater than 25.